Day 2, 3 & 4: Dusseldorf is hot.

Well, I am being surprised and confronted, enamored and overwhelmed, peaceful and anxious.  It has been &^%$#@! hot here, 37 C/99 F only cooling a few degrees at night with NO wind.  This combined with the sun coming up at the butt crack of dawn and setting at 10:30pm it’s hard to remember when to eat or sleep.  Drinking beer is a risk, because the heat is so brutal and all I want is cold water, but there is very little ice here and the fridges are delicate – like confident coolers.  I appreciate the energy conservation, but the truth is Dusseldorf rarely ever gets this hot – ever!  So there is no infrastructure for it.  They don’t have indoor climate control like Arizona or Singapore is used to.

In short, to share about the last few days – it has been incredibly abundant.  My host, Volker is incredibly generous.  It is amazing to be with a family, seeing the culture from the inside, having a kitchen to make the morning toast with “butte” and make a dinner by filling the dining room table with cheeses, breads, wine, fruit, tomatoes, beets, burst “wurst” (sausage), and salami.  Then to go to a recording studio grand opening with local families, the kids serving the drinks and manning the BBQ – also providing burst and curry sauce.  Then to go to an art opening the same night at a bar owned by a dear friend and enjoy the hot night out in a more personal and connected way.  Then today to the local pool where we jumped off the high dive and did headstands in the grass.  The loveliest thing about the pool was the massive amount of floaty-wings on small German children and the leisure the lap swimmers took during their swims.  There were no lanes, everyone swam with their head above the water, and swam a sloooooow and steady breast stroke.  Then tonight, just to get a little breeze (after watching Spain win the World Cup and listening to all the cheering on our block) we took the street car to the Rhine river.  There we found a nice breeze.

That’s not all we found, I found my terror to jump into street performing.  I have been speaking extensively with my dear host, Volker, a glorious and recognized artist himself, about this Europe trip and his perspective on how to get the most out of it.  He simply said to “not make too much plans” and spoke about meeting people, learning, making connections. seeing the cultures, spending longer in places, and really learning to let go.  We have been speaking a lot about letting go and the futility of forcing the next steps for my artistic (let alone any) career.

Today it was so bloody hot Aaron (who arrived from SFO yesterday) and I watched The Hangover.  I had never seen it and was nervous to spend my valuable Europe time watching a movie, but I decided that it was too hot to move, so I would watch it. Afterward I plummeted into a pit of anxiousness, “what the hell am I doing? I’m in Europe to plant seeds for my performance career and I’m watching The Hangover???!!! I am fucking this up!” and the immediately to “All is lost! Woe it me” and such and such.

It’s really hilarious to see.  My intention for this trip is to walk in Joy, Freedom and Peace.  And then inside of that, take my next steps in my career.  But that is the foundation. It is so funny to see the anguish and fear that comes up when all I have is assistance, acceptance and peace around me.  I can see where the learning of this trip will lie – it is a reprogramming of my creative process.  Clearing the old program of “I must suffer to create good art” or “I must suffer in order to grow” to a space of joy, freedom and peace where I grow simply because I say I am ready to grow.  I am ready to walk into this and connect with my higher self in a way that I have not experienced yet.

Thank you to those who have helped me get to this point in my journey and thank you to all of those spirits I have not met who will be helping me in the near and distant future.



One Response to “Day 2, 3 & 4: Dusseldorf is hot.”
  1. Michela says:

    The Magic Maker indeed!

    And you are such a powerful one… I have been thinking about you a lot in the past months, wondering how you were and where your work had taken you… And when I finally take the time to surf the internet in this hot morning in the Italian countryside, searching for you, here you are, in Europe!!! Of all places in the world, you are not more than a ten-hour drive from me.
    Reading you, watching you, it made me remember your energy and spirit and it felt like a perfumed bath, a balm for my thoughts, a magic laugh that can save a life.

    Remember you have a friend in Italy, and that you are more than welcome to come over during your trip. I’d love to share again, like in those past days in Dublin, where everything was magical and fruitful.

    Lots of love and I wish all the best to your work and to your personal growth. And yeah, being happy and peaceful brings you more than suffering!
    Come and visit!


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